Mourning with those who mourn......through the holidays

Rejoice with those who rejoice; 

mourn with those who mourn. (Romans 12:15)

I’m certainly no grief specialist/counselor OR writer, but I felt like the Lord laid it on my heart to try to help those who are grieving or close to someone who is, during the holidays especially. I'm sure the "experts" can teach me more and express it better. But, I learned so much walking through the process of death with both of my parents, as well as other close family members and friends whom I dearly loved. I learned a few things along the way that will hopefully help someone either ministering to a grieving heart, or actually walking through it now.

1. You never really understand grief until you've lost someone/something you loved, and even then, it has it’s own way and times of showing up when you least expect it. 

2. No two people grieve the same way. Some prefer to be alone.  Others need company. Some are angry.  Some behave awkwardly. Some get downright goofy. Some are paralyzed and overwhelmed.  Some kick it into high gear.

3. Sometimes people don’t know what to say or do, so they do nothing. Love them anyway!

4. Sometimes people mean well, but say stupid things. Love them anyway!

5. You’ll never be able to relate completely because you’re not actually in their shoes

6. Loss is loss; whether it’s a parent, child, close family member or friend.  Could be a pet, job, marriage, or belongings. And it can feel just as painful no matter what type!

7. Let them talk about their loved one and don’t be afraid to ask.  Let them show pictures, mementos, or just share stories.  But ASK…then take the time to actually listen.

8. Allow them to express their thoughts and stories without feeling like you have to share your own story. You can’t fix it. Only God can.   *see #2

9. Remember them in prayer, phone calls, cards, etc, especially during that first year and significant holidays. I.e. Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc.

10. BE THERE   After the initial shock and all the arrangements have been dealt with, mark your calendar to contact them and check on them.  PRAY WITH and FOR them.  Those follow-up contacts mean so much to know they’re not forgotten, and neither is their loved one.

11. NEVER, EVER say, “Well, they’re better off now.”  While that statement may be VERY true, the person grieving doesn’t feel better off.  Cliché’s are never good at this time. 

12. Keep your sense of appropriate humor.  It really is ok to try to make them smile and enjoy life again, when they’re ready.  *Thank God for my crazy friends!  J

I am so thankful that I’ve had such a wonderful support system during my days of grief.  They helped me put me put one foot in front of the other, and look to the future, while holding the past close. They have taught me more than I could have imagined. BIG thankyou’s to all those people who helped clean out the house. *Now what to do with what I brought back! 

Just yesterday, a man I really look up to at church, who knew my daddy, came up and said in the kindest way ever,, “I’ve been praying for you this weekend.  How ya doing?”  WOW!  He remembered and he’s not even on Facebook! HA! Needless to say, I lost it.  But at the same time found such comfort in the fact that he genuinely cared…..and remembered. Then a couple of others joined in prayer with me. Just the “release of tears” I needed.  “Lord, help me do that for others!”  

On Saturday, I asked my brother and my children what they would do to honor Daddy's memory.  The answers ranged from raking the yard, serving my family, installing hardware, enjoying time with friends, to of course, watching college football * Roll Tide!  All of these were things he enjoyed. Find something YOUR loved one enjoyed and share it with others!  

Personally, I’ve lost the fear of death.  Pain and suffering, well, that’s a different story.  But because I “know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I’ve committed…”  I actually look forward to the day when I am reunited with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ……as well as my loved ones! Don’t get me wrong; I’m not in a hurry.  Just don’t dread it anymore.  We are allowed to mourn. But, because of the hope that we have, which goes beyond the grave, we don’t go about it in the same way as those who believe that death is the final end for us all. Just allow time for the Holy Spirit to help others process it all and come to that conclusion in their own time, in their own way.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Living Bible (TLB)

13 And now, dear brothers, I want you to know what happens to a Christian when he dies so that when it happens, you will not be full of sorrow, as those are who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and then came back to life again, we can also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him all the Christians who have died.

15 I can tell you this directly from the Lord: that we who are still living when the Lord returns will not rise to meet him ahead of those who are in their graves. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a mighty shout and with the soul-stirring cry of the archangel and the great trumpet-call of God. And the believers who are dead will be the first to rise to meet the Lord. 17 Then we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air and remain with him forever.18 So comfort and encourage each other with this news.

So let’s think of at least one person around us who is experiencing loss during this holiday season, and keep them in our thoughts and prayers.  Then do something and let them know you care! 

“No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand”

From

In Christ Alone

By

Keith Getty & Stuart Townend